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07/13/2002 Archived Entry: "7/12/02 Ramping Up"

I have always found it really hard to re-start a particular practice I had been doing on a regular basis after a break in the process, especially a protracted break.

In this case, I am referring to writing every morning for 30 minutes. I stopped when I left for Summer Solstice, thinking that I would resume as soon as it was over. It is now over a month since I stopped, and hopefully, today marks my return to regular morning writing.

The same kind of thing manifests with respect to my spiritual practice. I had been doing Sat Kriya (a powerful yoga exercise) for 31 minutes a day for a very long time, when one day it seemed necessary to shorten my practice to 22 minutes (perhaps I needed to catch a plane). The next thing that happens is that there are many days where I only do 22 minutes instead of 31 minutes.

I have been on a plateau with respect to my spiritual growth for a while now. It is mostly a pretty good plateau, fairly elevated, with good views. Perhaps somewhat downward sloping. I have looked to various events and circumstances outside myself to provide the stimulus or catalyst for change, but I have come to realize that moving forward from here is going to have to come from inside. And that, most likely, some substantial change will be required both in lifestyle and in the way in which I perceive myself.

"Poverty," says Yogi Bhajan, "is in running after things. Prosperity, is in letting them come to you." Does this apply to spiritual practice? I do not have as great a sense of the presence of the One in my life as I have had upon occasion. My Dharmic practice has become one of maintenance, with occasional potholes appearing on the road.

When I speak, however, the teacher self is there. Almost like it has nothing to do with my state of mind. It is an amazing process, and one for which I am profoundly grateful. Not too long ago, I spoke at an event, fairly late in the evening. My energy was quite low. I wasn’t sure at all about what I would say, and the person speaking before me was profoundly boring. However, the moment I began to speak, after mentally tuning in (while the people in the audience were directed to watch their breath go in and out), the teacher self manifested in a profoundly energetic form. And, off I went, creating a profound hour-long experience, for the audience and myself as well.

One strategy might be to speak a great deal more, as that energy spills over into my life. But I think the real work goes back to what Yogi Bhajan referred to some time ago: That it is easy enough to be a teacher when one is teaching. The work is to be a teacher when one is not teaching. I have been thinking about this for more than a year now. At this point in my life, and in relation to the work before me, it is the most important issue, virtually the only issue. Yet the most basic questions are not answered. Does one push or simply allow? Is the work in laying out a detailed rigorous daily practice, or in cultivating contentment and gratitude? Or is it a combination of both