Weblog Entry - 07/20/2002: "7/19/02 An Attitude of Gratitude"

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07/20/2002 Entry: "7/19/02 An Attitude of Gratitude"

Last night, as I was going to bed, I thought to myself that maybe I should let go of this 40 day sadhana – of getting up every day at 3:30. That I am not getting enough sleep, etc., etc., and so forth.

I replied, to myself, you started a 40-day practice. Unless it is life threatening, there is no credible reason to stop. That it is hard, is clearly not sufficient justification. What would be the point if it of doing it if it wasn’t hard? Yogi Bhajan has always said that the "maha (great – most significant) mantra" of the times is "keep up." He would say, "keep up and you will be kept up."

Personal spiritual practice is an interesting dance. There is always the danger of become obsessive with respect to one’s growth and practice, of becoming somewhat solipsistic. That is, instead of concerning oneself with the well being of those around you, of the beings on the planet, or the work to right wrongs, one can get totally involved with one’s own self. I hope I am not doing that. Although I have seen that happen often enough – in others and in my own journey.

My essential motivation remains what it has always been, back from the beginning, to be able to bring my whole self to the work. To be able to do the work from that place of being in touch with the flow. To be, as much as possible a conduit between the work and that resource of Infinite Energy. Yet is it not interesting? There is Julia being arrested and thrown out of Ecuador, getting good press to bring the issue to the public, and here am I, watching my navel, as it were. Of course, it is not all that I am doing, not by a long shot, but it is good to pay attention to the balance.

There is also the balance between longing for the Beloved One, and being able to experience gratitude for the gifts that one has. The state of "longing" implies a lack of something, yet it is the core of much spiritual prayer. On the other hand, one should, says Yogi Bhajan, cultivate and live in "an attitude of gratitude." Empty cup versus full cup. There was a time in my life that I used to pray to be able to want to love the Beloved. I have made progress. I have moved to wanting to love the Beloved.

There is of course the whole dance of my past history. Of my years of anger with God for allowing the world to be the way of it is, for allowing men to behave the way they do towards one another. However, my scriptures are very clear on the subject. Very clear, that is, in saying that we cannot understand the workings of God, that we should just let it go.

I think there is more to be developed in cultivating an attitude of gratitude. The question is how to evoke for oneself the presence of one’s higher self. Yogi Bhajan says that we should learn how to be self-initiating. Not dependent then on others, on outside circumstances, on getting what one wants, on being in the right place with the right ambience. Yes, I think I will work for a while on the attitude of gratitude. I wish to rid myself of desire, of any desire for anything. That is where contentment lies.